Goodbye Mommy Guilt!

Are We Programmed for Guilt?

It seems that many moms are almost programmed to feel guilt. From a very young age, women are bombarded with societal messages that push us towards perfectionism. Media such as magazines, TV shows, and even social media often reinforce this unrealistic standard for women. We internalize these messages and eventually start judging ourselves by impossible standards, striving to be everything to everyone.

Take this scenario, for instance: You miss the Mother’s Day breakfast in your son’s kindergarten class because you have to work. As a result, you feel guilt for not being there. However, when you do make it to an event, you feel guilt again because you didn’t bring homemade cupcakes like some of the other moms. This is one of those classic “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” situations that so many mothers encounter.

Does this resonate with you? If so, you’re not alone.

Where Does the Guilt Come From?

If you’re a working mom, you likely have your own “Mommy Guilt” stories. Maybe you remember the time you scrambled to make it to your child’s recital but blanked out during a big meeting afterward. Or perhaps, you rushed into the office, feeling frazzled, because you were trying to help locate a lost homework assignment. The scenarios may vary, but the feelings of guilt remain a common thread for many moms.

Being a mom is hard work. It is, however, one of the most important jobs anyone can do. So, why do we feel so much guilt for not being able to do it all?

According to psychotherapist Dr. Dana Dorfman, “A person without guilt is a sociopath.” In other words, guilt is a normal, human emotion that arises because we care. We want to do our best as mothers, professionals, and individuals, and feeling guilty simply shows that we’re trying. But here’s the key: while guilt is normal, it’s essential not to let it control our lives.

OK Great! So What Do I Do?

Step one is acknowledging the guilt. Own the fact that it’s real and that it will show up repeatedly throughout your life. But here’s the thing: don’t let it trap you in a cycle of negativity.

Instead, try this approach: validate and respect the complexity of being both a mother and a professional. Recognize that you are human and that, as such, you are bound to make mistakes. Perfection is not the goal—doing your best is.

Take the long view. Remember that your child’s life will not be defined by a single day, one bad choice, or one missed opportunity. A bad day doesn’t equal a bad life. What matters most are the cumulative experiences—being there with love, attention, apologies when necessary, and modeling resilience. Just as your children will make mistakes and learn from them, so will you.

A Real-Life Example: Embracing Imperfection

Consider Sarah, a working mom and optometrist who was once overwhelmed with guilt for missing several of her son’s school events due to work. She felt torn between her responsibilities as a doctor and her role as a mother. After many tearful nights, she made a decision to stop focusing on what she couldn’t do and instead celebrate the things she could.

Sarah developed a new mindset: instead of beating herself up for every missed event, she looked for ways to be more present when she could. She would block off time on her calendar for one-on-one activities with her son, even if it was as simple as having breakfast together on a Saturday morning. This shift helped Sarah not only be kinder to herself but also to be a better, more present mother and professional.

Quotes to Live By

• “There is no way to be a perfect mother, but a million ways to be a good one.” — Jill Churchill
• “Guilt is a gift from our inner child, warning us that we are on the verge of repeating a past mistake.” — Rebecca Harper
• “The best way to make children good is to make them happy.” — Oscar Wilde

So, How Do You Move Forward?

First, give yourself grace. You’re not superhuman, and that’s okay. The next step is to reframe your guilt as a sign that you care deeply about your family and your work. But also recognize that guilt can be a burden if it’s not kept in check.

Remember that you don’t have to carry the weight of guilt alone. If you’re feeling stretched thin between your career and motherhood, it might be time to seek some support.

Here’s a fun video about how 2 moms deal with guilt! Enjoy!

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For More Inspiration

If you want more tips and strategies for balancing motherhood and career, check out this fun video of how two moms deal with guilt. You might find it relatable and uplifting! Watch Here.

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