Five Inspirational Tips To Help You Stop Trying To Measure Up To Others

“The grass isn’t greener on the other side. It’s greener where you water it.” – Dr. Lauretta Justin

In a recent “Divas Talk,” we explored five essential tips to help you stop comparing yourself to others. Before diving into those steps, let me share an insightful story I found on videoinspiration.net. It beautifully illustrates the point we’re about to make.

A crow lived contentedly in the forest, but one day, it saw a swan. “The swan is so white,” the crow thought, “while I am black. The swan must be the happiest bird in the world.”

The crow shared its thoughts with the swan. “Actually,” the swan replied, “I was once the happiest bird, but then I saw a parrot. The parrot has two colors, and I now believe it is the happiest bird alive.”

Curious, the crow went to the parrot and asked if it was indeed the happiest bird. The parrot explained, “I was happy until I saw a peacock. I have only two colors, but the peacock has many. Surely, the peacock must be the happiest bird.”

The crow then visited a peacock at the zoo, marveling at the crowds gathered to see it. After the visitors left, the crow approached the peacock and said, “You’re so beautiful, and everyone admires you. When people see me, they shoo me away. You must be the happiest bird in the world.”

The peacock sighed. “I always thought I was the most beautiful and happiest bird. But because of my beauty, I’m trapped in this zoo. I’ve carefully observed the zoo, and I realized the only bird not in a cage is the crow. Lately, I’ve been wishing I could be a crow, so I could fly freely. Surely, the crow must be the happiest bird in the world.”

The moral of the story: The grass isn’t always greener on the other side.

Comparing yourself to others can sometimes inspire growth. For example, seeing a former classmate open a successful private practice might motivate you to do the same. However, the trouble begins when we tie our happiness to how we measure up to others. That type of comparison is destructive because it focuses on what we lack, rather than what we can achieve.

Our brains are wired to compare as a way to build logic and reasoning, but these comparisons often lead to unhappiness. It’s not about stopping comparisons altogether—rather, it’s about not measuring your worth based on others.

Here are five steps to help you avoid the pitfalls of negative comparison:

1. Practice Gratitude
It’s nearly impossible to feel both gratitude and self-doubt at the same time. When you find yourself feeling inferior, take a moment to list what you’re grateful for. You’ll quickly feel better about your own journey.

2. Be Your Own Best Friend
Instead of tearing yourself down, offer yourself encouragement, just like you would for a close friend. When you catch yourself thinking negatively, challenge those thoughts. For instance, if you think, “I’m so stupid,” ask yourself why and then find ways to be smarter instead. Engaging in this internal dialogue activates problem-solving and self-compassion.

3. Accept Your Strengths and Weaknesses
Stop fighting who you are and embrace both your strengths and weaknesses. Accepting all parts of yourself allows you to make empowered decisions and find peace within. As humans, we need both sides to experience life fully.

4. Water Your Own Grass
Focus on investing in your own path instead of comparing yourself to others. The more you nurture your own journey, the less you’ll worry about what everyone else is doing. When you’re busy building your own life, you won’t have time to “keep up with the Joneses.”

5. Make Decisions Based on Your Values, Not Fear
Don’t let fear of falling behind others guide your decisions. For example, don’t take a job just to earn as much as your friends or have a baby because your peers are doing it. Make choices based on what genuinely matters to you.

When you constantly focus on what others have that you don’t, you give away your power and confidence. Take back your power by focusing on your own journey. Embrace who you are and water your own grass. Confidence grows from within, and by finding it, you’ll be able to share your best self with the world.

Join us next week for another episode of Divas Talk on our Facebook group!