Your expectations, more than anything else in life, determine your reality. They can change your life, emotionally and physically. You need to be extra careful about (and aware of) the expectations you harbor as the wrong ones make life unnecessarily difficult.
According to a fantastic article in forbes.com here’s a list of unrealistic expectations that will ruin you:
1. Life should be fair.
We’ve all been told a million times (and likely told other people) that life isn’t fair, but in spite of what we know about the intricacies of injustice, it’s a concept that doesn’t quite sink in. A surprising number of us subconsciously expect life to be fair, and we believe that any unfairness that we experience will somehow be balanced out, even if we don’t do anything about it.
If you’re stuck in that mindset, it’s time to get over it. When something “unfair” happens, don’t wait for outside forces to get you back on your feet. Sometimes there isn’t any consolation prize, and the sooner you stop expecting there to be, the sooner you can take actions that will actually make a difference.
2. Opportunities will fall into my lap.
One of the most important things a person can do is stick his or her neck out and seek opportunity. Just because you deserve a raise, a promotion, or a bonus, doesn’t mean it’s going to happen. You have to make it happen. You have to put in the hard work, then go and get what’s yours.
If we limit ourselves to what’s given to us, we are at the mercy of other people. When you take action, think “what steps do I need to take?” “what obstacles are in my way and what do I need to do to remove them?” and “what mistakes am I making that take me away from my goals rather than toward them?”
3. Everyone should like me.
People have hang ups, and that means all sorts of decent, kind, respectable people are not liked by (some) others, for no good reason at all. When you think that everyone should like you, you end up with hurt feelings when you shouldn’t. (You can’t win them all.)
When you assume that people are going to like you, you take shortcuts; you start making requests and demands before you’ve laid the groundwork to really understand what the other person is thinking and feeling. Instead of expecting that people will like you, focus on earning their trust and respect.
4. People should agree with me.
This one can be tough. Sure, you know what you’re talking about, and for that reason, people should take you seriously, but expecting people to agree with you out of courtesy or because your ideas are so incredibly sound is another story.
Something that’s obvious to you might not be so to someone with different experiences and a different agenda, so stop being offended when people disagree with you, and stop assuming that there is only one right answer (yours). Instead, focus on how you can find solutions that give everyone what they need.
5. People know what I’m trying to say.
People can’t read your mind, and what you’re trying to say is rarely what other people hear. You can’t expect people to understand you just because you’re talking—you have to be clear.
Whether you’re asking someone to do something without providing the context or explaining a complex concept behind a big project, it’s easy to leave out relevant information because you don’t think it’s necessary. Communication isn’t anything if it isn’t clear, and your communication won’t be clear until you take the time to understand the other person’s perspective.
6. I’m going to fail.
As I’ve touched upon already, if you expect to fail, you stand a higher chance of creating the very outcome you’re worried about. If you fail, accept that sometimes you’ll fail and sometimes you’ll succeed, but if you pursue an endeavor, believe with all your being that you’re going to succeed in that endeavor. Otherwise, you’ll limit the chances of that happening.
7. Things will make me happy.
Sure, things can make life more fun and comfortable in the short run, but they can’t make you happy in the long run. Too many of us expect a future event (“I’ll be happy when I get that promotion”) to make us happy, instead of looking more deeply into the real causes of our unhappiness. If you don’t fix what’s going on inside, no external event or item is going to make you happy, no matter how much you want it to.
8. I can change him/her.
There’s only one person in this world you can truly change—yourself—and even that takes a tremendous amount of effort. The only way that people change is through the desire and wherewithal to change themselves. Still, it’s tempting to try to change someone who doesn’t want to change, as if your sheer will and desire for them to improve will change them (as it has you).
You might even actively choose people with problems, thinking that you can “fix” them. Let go of this faulty expectation. Build your life around genuine, positive people, and avoid problematic people that bring you down.
Dream Killer #7 – UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS
Unrealistic expectations can make you act like a schizophrenic. This is sometimes the root cause of discouragement. Unrealistic expectations will set you up to fail and to be miserable. To be successful and happy, you must follow our happiness formula below.
Expectations < Reality = Success
To overcome unrealistic expectations you must:
– Get accurate information: Remember, success leaves clues. Don’t try to reinvent the wheel. Chances are someone has already done something similar before, learn from them.
– Be honest with yourself: Know what you can do and what you cannot do. For example, if you have no musical skills don’t set out to become the next Beyonce. That’d be crazy, right! Stay within your realm.
– Seek accountability: Sometimes, having unrealistic expectations is a form of avoidance due to fear. In such cases, it’s good to have someone who will help you confront your fears. Enlist the help of coaches, mentors and counselors to help you stay on task.
Do you stuck, overwhelmed and discouraged in your life right now? Do you feel alone in the journey of running a practice? If so, you’re not alone.
I have helped many in similar situations find more joy, clarity and fulfillment in their lives. I would love to help you too! To learn more about how you can join my mastermind group, click HERE.
In my mastermind group you will learn how to develop a winning mindset to overcome limitations such as lack of support. I look forward to helping you in your journey.
Dreamers are world changers. Dare to dream! Dare to believe! Dare to take action today!
Don’t tell the world what you can do, show the world what you can do. Believe in your dreams, fulfill your destiny, become a world changer.
Stay tuned next week for the final dream killer – #7 – Unrealistic Expectations! Until then, remember to Dream Big, Take Risks and become the CEO of YOU™!